Put Some Stank On It!

I know everyone talks about how important self-care is. And as someone that treats herself to food constantly, I can attest to this.

But, it’s been a while since I’ve actually treated myself. So you know what I did over my weekend?

I got a massage!

And I’m not talking about that weird massage that you and your friends give each other. Or even the massages that you see couples giving each other now and then.

I’m not even talking about the massages that Phoebe Buffay gives.

I am talking about private room, oils, lotions, and relaxing music that makes me have to pee. Yeah, that kind of massage!

Now I was definitely a little nervous going into this because I’ve seen so many movies about massages, mostly importantly The Client List where Jennifer Love Hewitt was certainly giving more than massages in that room.

But, I went anyway! I went thinking that it would be different and that, as much as I’d like to believe otherwise, my life is not a movie.

So it started out like any other massage (this is being said by someone that had never had one before today), and I almost freaked out when the woman told me to remove my clothes.

It’s different when a doctor tells you that because….I don’t even know why I think it’s different, but I don’t flinch when a doctor tells me to get undressed.

But, these people aren’t doctors. I know that they probably see enough bodies that they all just blend in and they really don’t care.

BUT I CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING SO I KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO REMEMBER THE FACT THAT I DIDN’T SHAVE MY LEGS.

These are the things that I think about. She’s also going to remember the fact that I didn’t know where to put my hands.

And did I mention the fact that I just shoved my face into the hole thingy? But my face is too big for the hole so I was basically smothering myself in the blanket.

But, I just laid there quietly because I didn’t want to be rude.

She asked me what pressure I wanted and I didn’t want to say “Well, I really want you to get up in there and don’t stop until all of my knots are gone” so I just told her “Medium.”

The hot stones concerned me because I definitely thought that it was going to be like that scene in Big Momma’s House 2 (or 3, I don’t really remember) where the stones burned her skin.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why is Jazmyn basing all of her knowledge of massages on what she sees in movies?

It could be because I don’t have anything else to base it off of?

Or it could be that I’m insane and this is how I cope. It’s a toss-up really.

So since the hot stones didn’t burn through my skin, I didn’t kick the woman in the face when she massaged my feet, and I didn’t talk or laugh through the silence like I usually do when I’m uncomfortable, let’s call it a success!

So, I’d say that’s a job well done! And ya girl will be getting another one very soon.

AND WE’RE DOING DEEP PRESSURE NEXT TIME.

 

Also, anyone that gets the reference of the title of this blog, I’ll buy you dinner!